


Almost

by ghee (sabakunoghee)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Blank Period, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Kazekage Gaara (Naruto), M/M, Misunderstandings, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-07 02:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17951933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabakunoghee/pseuds/ghee
Summary: Two years wasn’t a short period of time.Still; it wasn’t enough for him, forthem, to move forward.T rated | Canon/IC | RomanceA two-shot about Sabaku no Gaara, Rock Lee, and an `almost`.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set after Shippuden #497 and Gaara Hiden timeline. (Also, spoilers!)

Rock Lee thought, perhaps he was the only one who considered their time together was precious; was worth to cherish. Perhaps, it was only him who enjoyed the _ramen_ , the talk, the laugh. He treasured the memory of how soft his fingers were when he accidentally brushed his, how sweet-scented his scarlet hair was when the wind swiftly played his, how tender, how sincere, how _beautiful_ his smile was as he declared that he would visit the Hidden Leaf again—the next time, he said, it wouldn’t be as a Godaime Kazekage, nor a _shinobi_ , but as a friend. The glisten on his eyes was obvious that day, as Rock Lee anticipated, he couldn’t wait for it. However, it wasn’t more than an empty promise.

 

A month passed after their best friend’s wedding— _the last time they met_ —Rock Lee didn’t hear any single thing from the Hidden Sand. So he wrote to him. He used the outdated method rather than newly developed electronic mail because… he wasn’t ready to receive an immediate reply. He could wait.

 

Two replaced one, three after two, and suddenly half a year passed.

 

Letters he sent were left unanswered.

 

It must be hard and busy to be a leader, he was taught to be optimistic so he remained that way. Even though he almost lost his faith in him, he couldn’t bring himself to look after another. It was supposed to be a little secret between him and him, a confession in the middle of a casual dinner, a strained smile on his confused face, as he hummed, ‘Lee, give me time to think.’ It was time he needed, so Lee nodded and said, ‘I will wait’. His lips were sealed but his heart continued to form a vow, that he would be here, always be here, no matter what he might bring. An approval would be nice but he was so get used of rejection he wouldn’t be surprised if he was turned down. He thought it would be that easy.

 

Until he saw his fellow _shinobi_ , the genius from Nara clan, received a letter with Country of Wind’s seal on it. Curiosity met jealousy; he tried to nonchalantly ask, yet the answer broke him into pieces.

 

“Ah, it’s from Temari,” the first information was obvious, but the afterward, “Gaara was arranged into a marriage, huh, that’s fast.” Lee didn’t seem to function to discern the rest of the letter.

 

He was a _shinobi_.

 

He also had his ‘personal rule’.

 

He battered his mind and body through endless, vigorous training. Once he decided to do or achieve something, even if the world he knew was going to crumble, he would still struggle until the very end. Although it might cost his life, his overwhelming devotion and determination would give him the strength to eventually accomplish his goal. He had set his heart on it; on him, he thought he would never give up.

 

Rock Lee had never been this wrong.

 

* * *

 

 Sabaku no Gaara folded the paper in half.

 

He pulled the top drawer of his working desk, put it neatly over a pile of similar parchment, and stared at them a little bit too long. On every envelope, a _kanji_ meant ‘fire’ were stamped in red color. A long, heavy sigh came out from his lips. Seven months. It wasn’t like he didn’t count. It was because he considered it as a serious matter, he did the calculation. How long could a human, a normal being, stand separation and repress their emotion. Gaara needed his mind in clarity as much as he had to stay sharp, ready to fight. The village under his command was suffering for the monetary deficit as the result of the Fourth World War. It wasn’t an easy task to ensure and get the money from the _daimyou_.

 

But he wasn’t a ‘normal human’ to begin with. He was a _shinobi_ , and _shinobi_ were those who endured. On top of that, he was a Kazekage, a leader, a sturdy figure to look up to by the citizens and in returns, he acknowledged them as his priority. He couldn’t be anything else. He even couldn’t be _himself_.

 

It was the reason behind Gaara’s sigh.

 

 _Pathetic_.

 

He could save the entire village from a mass-bombing using his _kekkai-genkai_ ability. He developed strategies with his elder brother so the coup d’état which was directed to annihilate him ended up backfired the perpetrator. He acted as a shield for his supposed-to-be-wife from a terrorist attack with her being unscathed. He had a big heart, big enough to let her fiancé go with her destined lover and made sure Nara Shikamaru gave them a proper life in Hidden Leaf with new identities. He had endured too much these past months; yet, he couldn’t find a way to be his usual self, as Gaara, a human being.

 

So, he left those letters Lee sent to him unanswered.

 

He tried to write a reply. But his fingers froze at the second word. The paper ended up rumpled and thrown into the bin. He wasn’t sure what to write yet Lee made it so effortless yet still interesting.

 

Lee’s handwriting took his imagination into Konoha’s entrance; the well-known monumental gate. Gaara could almost smell the earthy scent when raindrops fell and met dry soil, hear the chattering from merchants or children playing on the field of grass, and see the shades of green; either it was the forest or the attire he always wore. When he opened his eyes, Gaara felt sorry for himself, who was trapped in an endless wave of obligation. A faint knock on the window brought him back to reality.

 

“Takamaru…”

 

The hawk placed a plain letter on the table; a catastrophe disguised as an innocent piece of paper. Gaara was silenced by two sentences: the first was, _‘Wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness.’_

 

And the second was, _‘My wedding will be held next month, I wish you could come and celebrate.’_

 

* * *

  

Two years wasn’t a short period of time.

 

Two years was more than enough to make people forgive, forget and continue to live their life to the fullest. Two years of grief, two years of apology, two years of not seeing each other. Rock Lee had transformed from a miserable, broken-hearted young boy into a refined gentleman and a responsible father of one. His career excelled as he was a _jounin_ now; but sometimes he was overwhelmed by the length and difficulty of the missions he had to complete. It was never easy to split your time when you’re a top class _shinobi_ who also acted as a single parent. He was grateful that his close friends and teacher were still around; they made it possible for him to raise Metal Lee without a mother figure.

 

Three months after Metal’s birth was a _nightmare_. Six months after was better since he had adapted to a drastic change of his sleep cycle. Now that Metal had reached the age of one, Rock Lee was getting used to baby-related-activities. He even brought his little son along to the training field, showed him several simple martial art tricks, or used his tiny body as an added lightweight to his push-ups regime.

 

Rock Lee was fine; he was healthy and content until an unexpected rendezvous suddenly occurred as if it was destined. Metal was sound asleep on his chest when his senses captured _his_ presence.

 

“…”

 

“…Lee.”

 

It was _him_ who addressed him first. For a second, Lee lost all his power and responsiveness; he even thought he was trapped in some sort of _genjutsu_. The time ticked yet the surroundings around him were blurred in a strange, bizarre way, as he saw the slender figure with the shade of crimson stood so real in front of his very eyes. Lee unintentionally tightened his embrace on Metal and his action made his son cried on the spot. The loud voice of his snapped Lee back into the real world; he panicked and looked silly at the moment—as if he tried to balance his attention to his wailing son and the man he once… _loved_. Lee could handle the situation better, _he swore,_ but the timing just wasn’t right.

 

“A—aaa, I’m sorry, how rude of me, Kazekage-sama,” Lee instantly bowed, and the gesture made Metal cried even louder, “Hush, hush, Metal, I’m sorry, but can you please tone down a little? Papa needs to greet an old friend, here,” he murmured and tried to hide his nervousness, “Metal, baby—”

 

Sure, _an old friend_. Sabaku no Gaara twitched a bit but he didn't complain.

 

“Here.”

 

Gaara extended his both hands in order to reach Metal, intended to temporarily take him away from his clumsy father. Lee blinked several times; he failed to comprehend the whole situation here—

 

“When holding a baby, it’s necessary to always have a hand to support his head and neck,” the red-haired spoke in calm, low tone, indirectly said that Lee’s method in hugging his son was terribly wrong, “Don’t worry, I learned a lot about nurturing a new-born since my sister gave birth to Shikadai.”

 

“Y—yes, no, I mean, please do, but don’t let him bother you, he might make your clothes dirty—” Lee’s babbling was cut by a sudden approach as Gaara, carefully but gently, placed his both hands on Metal’s armpits and brought the tiny human into his torso. The _taijutsu_ specialist was lost of words; if this was a _genjutsu_ , the user knew too deep about him; this was way too detail and too personal.

 

A soft chuckle was heard, “I don’t mind,” Gaara whispered before gesturing Lee not to be _that_ noisy. Completely unaware that he was the reason behind Lee’s awkward attitude. Again—he was better in dealing with his own flesh and blood, and right now, he stood still in a ridiculous stance while watching the Kazekage spoiling his son. Gaara positioned Metal’s body parallel with his own, slowly lifted his head to shoulder-height, and rested him on his chest. He did his best so Metal’s vision wasn’t blocked by his shoulder and he still could catch a glimpse of Lee, “Hush, that’s your Papa,” Gaara hummed like a lullaby as he caressed the baby’s cheek using the tip of his nose, “See? He’s not crying anymore.”

 

“You’re… a _great_ father, aren’t you, Kazekage-sama,” Lee showed him a forced smile. His ineptness wasn’t there for no reason; and he didn’t know where or what to begin. He wasn’t the chatty type in the first place, he also fathomed that Gaara disliked nonsense-talk, but deep down inside his heart, he didn’t want their gathering ended just like that. Lee opened his mouth once again, “I’m sorry—”

 

“You’ve changed a lot, haven’t you, Lee.”

 

Those spoken words stuttered him; it wasn’t about the fact that he did, but _how_ Gaara looked at him, his eyes sharply pierced into Lee’s chest and stroke his heart with no mercy. No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, Lee could saw the mutual emptiness in his bright green eyes. _So, he felt the same_.

 

If only he was the man he used to be,

 

Lee inhaled deeply. A split second of meditation was all he needed.

 

“People change, either way,” he lost his usual way of talking; his blusterous, passionate speech and hand gestures which resembled a fist. Aside from toning down his volume to keep his baby sleep, he felt it wasn’t right to show his childish side to Gaara. They were not teenagers anymore. Those carefree and hot spirited days were far beyond their reach. Lee’s voice was still deep, firm and clear, but not as noisy as his younger self. He shrugged, tried to be casual, “You… too. Your hairstyle is on point.”

 

Gaara scoffed, not to Lee, but to himself, “Temari said that having my hair well-kept would give me a strong impression to the Councils. It was weird at first but I guess I’m getting used to it,” he spoke as soft as he could, not wanting to wake Metal up, “Why don’t we sit down and have some tea, Lee?”

 

“Ah, yes, sure,” again, Lee cursed himself for being inconsiderate, “Sorry, you must be tired from your trip to Hidden Leaf, I, uh,” there are _many_ things to talk about, questions to be answered, connection to be restored. _Heart to be mended_. Lee took a glance at the neighborhood and returned his sight to Metal on Gaara’s embrace, “Are you here for an important meeting?” He asked cautiously.

 

“I came here for a discussion with Kakashi and Kaminarimon Company concerning the installation of Thunder Rail in my village, but it appeared that I was too early,” Gaara replied quietly, “The meeting will be held tomorrow morning so I still have some time to spare. What do you have in mind, Lee?”

 

 _So the railway would connect our village_ …

 

Lee somewhat grasped the idea that traveling to Sunagakure wouldn’t be as energy-draining and troublesome as it used to be—and a second after he shook his head. Why would he visit Hidden Sand if it wasn’t for mission purpose? It wasn’t like he had personal matter. Or at least, not _anymore_.

 

“Frankly speaking, yes, we… Need to talk, a _lot_ of it, actually, and I really want to take you to a fine tea house just two blocks away from here, but,” Lee exhaled, “It wasn’t child-friendly. And as much as I want to ask my comrades to take care of Metal, most of them are out of the village, even Tenten—also, please don’t start with daily care idea because I sort of distrust them, Metal is a really active kid—”

 

“Your apartment, then.” Gaara interjected.

 

“Now, that’s a good idea, I can put Metal in his cradle and,” Lee halted for a moment, “…wait, _what_?”

 

“You heard me.”

 

As clearly as a command, he should add. Lee wanted to explain that his residence might be too far to be attained by walking but he knew that any reasons would be unnecessary. In the end, he eventually nodded, understood, “Should I hold him?” He asked the last time before leading the way home.

 

“I’m totally fine,” the faint shifting sound came from his slithering sand. Gaara used his _ninjutsu_ ability to help him shielding Metal from Konoha’s weather which was, from his perspective, always blessed by right equity of sunlight and clouds, “We’d better hurry, Lee, before your son begins to fuss.”

 

“Right, let’s.” Lee complied.

 

Gaara didn’t say anything further and obediently trailed a step behind Lee. They both stayed silent. Their head were spinning in the same way without any of them keen enough to bring it up. Lee glimpsed once in a while to check whether he wasn’t dreaming—and yes, he wasn’t. Gaara was there. Solid and breathing, cuddling his son with the warmth he was familiar with, a serene smile mimicked a crescent moon, he was more _beautiful_ than what Lee could ever imagine. He felt his heart pounded a bit faster than its usual rhythm, his head was nearly exploding with excitement—oh, how he _missed_ him so much.

 

Two years wasn’t a short period of time.

 

 

 

Still; it wasn’t enough for him, for _them,_ to move forward.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is unbetaed.

Ever heard an anonymous saying which sounded like, ‘Don’t break anybody’s heart, they only have one, break their bones, they have two hundred and six’ – it was kind of funny, but if the ‘anybody’ was Rock Lee, he might not found it anywhere near ridiculous. It was _never_ since it literally happened to him; and the man himself was staring at the person who did those horrible things. Sabaku no Gaara once was more than just heartless and he wouldn’t hesitate to give his opponent the truest form of a nightmare. Lee could never forget how miserable he was, as the sand-user left him on the ground, almost breathless, unconscious, _to suffer_. He was paralyzed, suffocated, handicapped – _slowly dying._

 

And he almost did. _He almost wanted to_.

 

Lee saw Gaara’s vicious, predator eyes countless times. They appeared repetitiously, haunted his dreams with a flash of flickering green, alongside a wide, bloodlust grin which resembled a crescent in a crimson color. And when Lee finally woke up, he found himself bathed in his own sweat, shivering.

 

_You broke my bones,  
You almost broke my dream,_

 

Things changed, _people_ changed, but _love_ didn’t. Lee realized it when he looked deeper into Gaara’s eyes and saw himself in that longing stare. They were exchanging yearning and hope; but, Lee didn’t know – they were so wrecked and disoriented and stranded. He lost his capability in starting a simple conversation. Lee was deep on thought upon what and how to express his feeling while brewing two cups of hot _ocha_. He could hear a slight rustle when Gaara carefully put his son on the baby crib. Metal was laughing and his tiny hands tried to catch the dancing sand. A small, faint smile was painted on Lee’s face – if only it was his past-self, he wouldn’t let his baby played with such dangerous material. Gaara in his younger days would never use his _ninjutsu_ to console a crying infant, in all conscience.

 

For a moment, he wished he could stop the time,

 

Lee stood still on his very spot. He stored their sound, their expressions, and their sincere interactions in his memory; and he would be the only one who treasured this day. _It was totally fine_. For him, who was familiar with rejection and exclusion, to love someone in silence was a thing he was good at.

 

“So – it’s been almost two years since Shikamaru told me that you’re going to be married,” after five minutes of reticence, Lee spoke while keep on averting his eyes from Gaara’s. He placed the mugs on the wooden, short-legged table and sat cross-legged after offering his guest a traditional cushion to sit on. A forced smile appeared as he continued speaking, “But I haven’t heard any further news about it, Kazekage-sama. Was it Suna’s ethic to keep the royal wedding confidential information?”

 

 _…in the end, you broke my heart_.

 

* * *

 

He couldn’t stop examining Metal Lee’s physical appearance – yes, he inherited his father’s thick, well-defined brows and his smooth, silky black hair. But it was those eyes which captivated him. Sabaku no Gaara was lost in those innocent yet sharp, glimmering and crystal clear, as dark as black pearls but gleaming every time he blinked; it almost felt like he was staring at a starry sky on Sunagakure’s desert. But there was something different – the reason behind Gaara’s unusual mellow expression, as for the fourth time, his eyes met Metal’s. The pointed tip on the edge of his eyes was the only thing which didn’t suit Rock Lee. As much as he wanted to deny it, Metal must have gained them from his mother.

 

Lee’s wife.

 

_How does she look like? Is she a kunoichi? Or a common civilian? How did you two meet? What made you realize that you want to marry her? Were you two head over heels in love with each other?_

Gaara had to bite his inner cheek in order to prevent those questions blurted out. Lee’s marriage had nothing to do with him. He sent an invitation to Hidden Sand, a proper and humble request, yet the Fifth didn’t attend the sacred ceremony. The red-haired recalled how his siblings asked regarding the reason behind his refusal; _isn’t Rock Lee your friend?_ Gaara sighed, that was exactly why. Because they betrayed their friendship and wanted to be something else. To be _more_ than that. And Gaara, at that time, wasn’t in the best shape to love him back. _Gaara-kun, you don’t have to reciprocate my feeling if you don’t feel the same. I don’t want to burden you._ …those words. Those _painful_ words.

 

‘Love’ was an ordeal for him,

 

 _And he experienced it the hardest way possible._ He was stoic and indifferent. Trained to be a living weapon, molded to be a beast, needed _not_ as a human being. Gentleness and compassion were never familiar to him; he was a killing machine, a monster, the Hidden Sand’s stone-cold militarized walking arsenal. Lee was the one who taught him about physical pain and he learned that protecting was more important than to be feared. Lee also showed him modesty and humanity, slowly, Gaara could feel the warmth of companionship. Their journey wasn’t smooth – Lee was the ray of sun and Gaara was the velvet night sky. It was hard to reveal their true intentions and it went nothing easier.

 

But he asked himself countless times – why did it _hurt_ so much when he found out that Lee tied the knot with someone else. (It was regret, he _knew_ , he thought he had made peace with himself.)

 

“Your wife isn't home?” He asked that in his usual nonchalant tone since he didn’t sense any other company in that small, yet compact, 300-square-feet apartment. The question was uttered precisely at the same timing with Lee’s – when they thought things couldn’t be more awkward. Gaara sighed. He patted Metal’s cheek and made sure he was sleeping before fetching the _zabuton_. Lowering his stance in a graceful manner, the Kage sat in _seiza_ position, humming a small ‘thank you’ as Lee provided him a true sense of hospitality. For a little while, the distinctive smell of boiled herbs did the talking.

 

* * *

 

“…when I heard that you’re going to marry, I was – _shocked_.”

 

The talk was started with a confession.

 

Lee’s confession, to be exact. Although he wasn’t sure whether it was wise to explicate his thought and true feeling toward a married man – or, so he assumed. His fingers nervously squeezed the surface of a pottery cup filled with hot _ocha_. A pair of doubtful eyes met Gaara’s; Lee didn’t expect the clouds on his eyes, but here they were. He looked down for a second. He needed to regain his courage to speak his mind, but his bravery vanished somewhere and all he could do was staring blankly on the tiny vortex inside the mug. Even his beverage tried to hypnotize him – force him to explain things. A long sigh. Lee breathed in before interlocking their gaze. It was almost as hard as opening the eight gate.

 

He decided to start with things he had to endure, “My heart was broken,” it was a simple sentence, but he still felt a sting on his abdomen – yet he still continued, “I’m not exaggerating it, I’ve never experienced things like that before, I never had my chest hurt that much,” Lee exhaled slowly, “The pain resembles that time when you almost killed my dream to be a great _shinobi_ , but it wasn’t quite the same. I can’t explain it properly, it was just… _different_ ,” his intense stare transformed into a softer one as he said, “But the funny thing is, I couldn’t bring myself to hate you, no matter how shattered my heart was.”

 

_I still loved you, dearly, with pieces of the remains._

 

“Well, it lingered for a while,” _in fact, it’s still here_ , “But… I thought, it wouldn’t be fair for myself, I had to move on, and decided to forget you,” Lee could listen to his own hesitation in his own saying, “Gai-sensei said a marriage would keep my mind busy so I have no time to think about anything else, so I agreed to it, he was the one who introduced me with this fine lady, and – things went well.”

 

Gaara carefully took notice without interrupting.

 

“But eventually, I realized it wasn’t right.”

 

“In what term, if I may ask?”

 

“Everything,” there was a pause between his words, “For her, who dedicated her life to me, to our son, to our little family. For Metal, who deserved a proper and equal love from us as his parents, and for me,” Lee’s eyes looked at Gaara directly, deeply, “…who couldn’t treasure her as her husband.”

 

Those words sent shivers down Gaara’s spine.

 

“She was young. Younger than me, than you, and I always wished for her happiness, another life than being trapped in a miserable marriage with a pathetic man like me,” he didn’t sound like Rock Lee that everybody knew. Thus, he never really talked about this side of his with anyone before, he didn’t think it would be this easy to let his sadness flew, “I tried my best to fulfill her needs, to cheer her up when she was sad; she had our son in her womb, after all. She was a great friend. She always encouraged me when I was down. She was the best companion I’ve could ask for but – to _love_ her, I just couldn’t.”

 

“Lee…” Gaara’s voice lost its calmness, “Why are you blaming yourself?”

 

“Because I couldn’t protect her.”

 

Gaara’s forehead furrowed.

 

“I was out of the village for a mission and I couldn’t return on time… It was around her due date,” his eyes were pointed on Metal’s bassinet, “She struggled her best to give our son a chance to live and she traded it with her,” Lee’s voice cracked. He had retold this story several times, but it never got easier, “I had a son and lost a wife on the same day, that was… the most complicated emotion I’ve ever felt.”

 

 _Ah_. A bitter pill to swallow. Gaara showed his grief with a deep nod, “My deepest condolences.”

 

Lee acknowledged it with a pleased, small smile, “Thank you, it was hard, but I managed it somehow,” his stern face was lessened a bit, “Still, marriage is marriage, arranged or not, it should be an eternal bond; maybe I was cursed or something because I wasn’t a good husband. I failed her many times.”

 

“You’re not a bad husband, nor a failure, Lee,” Gaara cautiously chose his words, “Things just… Didn’t go as planned, and I’m sure she was happy, I mean – my mother, she sacrificed her life for me, too.”

 

“People said that giving birth is the truest form of love a mother could deliver, and I couldn’t agree more. I just, I don’t know, I still regret it that I wasn’t by her side when she put her life at stake – well, the best thing I can do now is to be a great father for Metal. Can’t do the same mistake twice, right?”

 

The alteration in Lee’s tone softened their expression.

 

“As long as you don’t put the weights on your son’s ankles, it’s fine.” Gaara tried to neutralize the heavy atmosphere by throwing a light joke. Lee laughed heartily. He must be _doing_ that for real.

 

Lighter ambiance only lasted for a brief moment.

 

Lee brought the cup on his grip to his lips, sipping on the flavorless, warm tea and swallowed it quietly before thoughtfully conveyed, “Now that I’ve told you my story, would you mind to share yours?”

 

“I shall make this even,” said Gaara, he obviously considered where to start, since he wasn’t as open as Lee when it came to express his feeling. The only thing occurred in his mind was the letters, “About the postcards you sent me, I deeply apologize for not replying all of them. Maybe – if I spared a little of my time to write something…” he couldn’t find a suitable word. It almost sounded like he would be the one who abolished Lee’s marriage – but he knew, ‘what if’ was a nonsense concept and what’s done is done. Gaara shook his head, “No, what I’m trying to say is, if there will be any next time, I will give your letters immediate feedback. I… don’t want any more misunderstandings between us.”

 

Gaara’s stiff voice and solemnity gave Lee chills, “Uh – well, you take it too seriously, Gaara, I didn’t,” he halted. Lee blinked several times; Gaara was being earnest, so he responded with the same honesty as he spoke, “…the truth is, I was disappointed and frustrated because you didn’t answer me at all.”

 

“I could imagine, and I regretted it,” a deep bow, Gaara admitted it truthfully, “I wonder if everything I would say now would fix _us_ – but at least, I want you to know what was happening back then.”

 

“I’m listening.” Lee leaned in. His arms crossed on the table, his torso angled toward Gaara, his ears listened to him attentively; a set of sincere nonverbal gestures to show _him_ that he still deeply cared.

 

“First,” it wasn’t easy for him to unveil the truth, to show him his weakness; Gaara exhaled heavily just before he started telling his story, “About me and my betrothal… it went completely wrong.”

 

Lee gasped – _wait,_ “But, the letter Shikamaru received from Temari-san said that – ”

 

“I never married, Lee.”

 

Not even opening the forbidden gates could affect him _this_ much. Lee felt his pulses drummed, his chest ached, and his heart fell to his stomach – an unusual urge to regurgitate to cast off his qualm.

 

“I was… _afraid_. It’s my duty as a Kazekage to marry and have my own offspring as an heir. It was the custom in Hidden Sand; this position is hereditary, that’s why I unquestionably became the Fifth.”

 

“Did the Council force you?”

 

“Sort of. It wasn’t like I couldn’t refuse, but this is an extremely delicate matter – and they had chosen the woman I have to marry, so you could say that everything was settled,” his eyes dimmed as he spoke in low tone, almost muttered, “Temari’s children will belong to Konoha, meanwhile Kankuro rejected the idea and told the Elders that I, as the Kazekage, had to marry first. So I accepted it.”

 

Lee slightly nodded.

 

“They arranged a family gathering between mine with my future wife’s – she was a refined young lady from a Hoki family, and I thought… it was the right thing to do. It was supposed to be a political marriage, it wasn’t my happiness they wished for since they only needed the descendant from me. So I saw it as a win-win solution for me and the welfare of my village, but,” Gaara’s sharp eyes stared at Lee excessively, “This is highly classified information, could you keep this to and only yourself?”

 

“I swear I won’t spill anything to anyone,” Lee solemnly vowed, “You could trust me.”

 

“Long story short, she used our arranged marriage as a chance to elope with his secret lover,” Gaara raised his hand when he discerned his story enraged Lee, “That’s not the point – what upset me was the fact that two of them betrayed _my_ village. As a leader, I couldn’t turn a blind eye to someone who would soon become a _nukenin_ ,” his voice remained mild yet assertive; Lee was in an awe finding out that Gaara could put his personal business second and the village matter first, “I could just execute them but I felt uncomfortable – so, Shikamaru created a fake-death scenario for both of them.”

 

“That was…” _a lot of information at once,_ “…complicated.”

 

“Indeed it was. Anyway, the couple is settling in _this_ village, under the protection of the Nara clan. If you find a happy couple you’ve never recognized, it might be them,” the tension decreased rapidly when Gaara let out a small chuckle, “And so forth, Lee, the only marriage I have is with the Hidden Sand.”

 

“To think that you could punish them on the spot, but you chose to spare them – you even gave them a new life,” Lee didn’t try to hide his astonishment, “You are so wise, Ga – I mean, _Kazekage-sama_!”

 

Lee’s uncertainty in mentioning his _birth_ name made Gaara gritted his teeth. Didn’t he deserve this for being so reluctant concerning their connection? _Where were they_ ; on a translucent, flimsy border between friendship and infatuation? The man in the shade of scarlet unintentionally clenched his fist.

 

“I was a coward, Lee. I… didn’t want to lose you, yet I selfishly wanted to keep you close while marrying someone else. I _knew_ how you feel about me, but I wasn’t sure about mine and made you wait for nothing. It wasn’t fair, and you can blame me for being so easy to be intimidated – and if I lose you now, I would say that ‘karma’ is a dish best served cold,” Gaara declared every words gallantly as if he was a lost warrior who was waiting for his beheading, “I’m… _sorry_ , Lee, I’m sorry for not being myself.”

 

Gaara’s confession left Lee speechless,

 

He wasn’t ready for this – he _never_ was. He thought that everything they had was over. He assumed that as far as this conversation would lead, the final product would be a closure respecting their past.

 

“Did you just said that you _did_ love me back, at that time?”

 

“I did,” Gaara whispered, “…and I _still_ do.”

 

Lee was amazed; he lost his ability to talk. Two cups of tea were forgotten.

 

“We’ve been through horrible time, Lee, two years – I avoided this village and you in particular just to make peace with myself. I eventually am able to forgive myself and our past situation, I accepted the fact that you’re having a new life, but knowing that you’re…” _no longer attached in a relationship_.

 

“I want to call you by your name,” Lee interjected, “If I may?”

 

Gaara’s lips slightly parted when he hummed a silent approval.

 

“Now, Gaara-kun,” a sharp inhale, “May I hold your hand?”

 

The Fifth extended his right hand and Lee immediately reached it across the table. His left hand was closer to his heart – Gaara could felt Lee’s nervousness just from the bandaged palm in his possession.

 

“This – this is harder, and won’t get any easier. I’m a father of a son, I have more obligations as one, and responsibilities as a _jounin_ , and – and I don’t want you to suffer for having a relationship with me but I – _I love you_ , Gaara-kun. Without you, it wasn’t the same, and painful, and… _I got lost quite often_.”

 

Lee was always like this; his feeling was expressed in an explosive, powerful manner, but kind of messy. Gaara squeezed his hand gently, “I don’t mind,” he murmured, “I should’ve never taken your attention for granted in the first place. And about your daily commotion, we could find a way to make it work.”

 

It was _almost_ funny how love could hurt and torture but also soothe the wounds,

 

And it came from the same person.

 

Lee looked down for a second, regaining his courage before exchanged look with Gaara – his _savior_ , the one and only man he ever looked up to, not as a rival, but also a dear friend, and a soulmate.

 

“Wait – I looked uncool, let me rephrase that and asked you once again properly, Gaara-kun,” why he couldn’t do this like any other gentleman; he was anxious and shaky, but he obligated himself to calm down although his spine was quivering. They had been through a massive misunderstanding. The love they waited for so long came in the wrong time. But now, that they resolved their issues and put an end to their previous affairs, wasn’t it the right moment to settle down? Lee sucked the air in as much as his lungs could contain. His vocal slightly cracked in a clumsy manner, “…can we start over again?”

 

“Yes, Lee,” a tender smile rose on Gaara’s face, “Please bear with me.”

 

Lee answered it with a big, relieved grin – _he always treasured Gaara, more than he treasured himself,_ “Can… I _hug_ you, Gaara-kun?” He timidly asked, his free hand ineptly scratched the tip of his nose.

 

“It depends,” Gaara said in an unfamiliar playful tone, but it sounded bizarrely intimate, “Could we do it together with Metal?”

 

“He’s sleeping – but we could do that, I will hold him carefully.”

 

“Ah, you’d better not to mess with your son, Lee.”

 

Gaara smiled as he felt Lee’s warmth; his strong arms embraced him tightly as he placed the side of his head on Lee’s chest which was as softly pounding. Never had he felt this _safe_ before. Not even in his ultimate defense, not when he was strictly guarded by Hidden Sand’s black ops. Gaara returned Lee’s affection with the same amount of excitement. His hands were skinnier but he hugged back until their broken pieces stuck back together. Learning to start over was indeed harder than letting go –

 

_I promise, I will make you the happiest person on earth, Gaara-kun, I’ll compensate the time we have lost, and we will move forward together, hand in hand, I won’t lose you again, I will always be yours._

 

 

But then again, `the lotus of Hidden Leaf _always_ blooms twice.`

**Author's Note:**

> al·most | \ ˈȯl-ˌmōst  
> very nearly but _not_ exactly or entirely


End file.
